| Please check out my other pages. |
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| Fair Warning; some adult content in art |
| Greetings from your friendly neighborhood druid ! This website should be amusingly edifying, ( if I don't get carried away by the hostage rescue team before it's done.) Please be patient. |
| Abandon hope all ye who enter here, at least have a sense of humor. |
| The following disclaimer should be read by all who like to entertain themselves with bureaucratic B.S. : All names and places listed herein are real or imagined. All actions reported were,( mostly ) , conducted after the expiration of the statute of limitations and most of the swelling has gone down. All models are over the age of 18-----now. Conformation of validity may be obtained from numerous individuals. Most are upstanding citizens partaking of the Federal Witness Protection Program, ( names and addresses listed in Appendix #42 ). The rest are still at large. Stonehenge Stoneware & Associates and Raku00n Pottery, etc. are dream children of Gaelan of Skye. All business ventures have to start somewhere. Some succeed, some are seasonal, some are subject to harassment by custodians of the peace. Most are downright entertaining. Read the ads with the sense of humor with which they were constructed. If, however, you wish to order our wares, potions, services and assorted "stuff". Please do. Links to the proper page/order form will be provided in due time. For now go to the Home button above. |
| The Three Faces of Gaelan of Skye Medieval Merchant * Druid Apprentice * Artisan Stonehenge Stoneware Imperial Wizzard Photojournalist & Associates and Silver Oak Grove FDA Ceramic Arteest Raku00n Pottery |
| And now, in response to a diminishing number of requests; |
| The Infamous Spiel ! This card was designed by myself as an introduction to my career as a merchant in The Society for Creative Anachronism. Please investigate their site. http://www.sca.org/ It will be definitely worth your attention. |
| Now you'll notice on the front of the card , I'm not only an apprentice druid but also a Saxon Merchant. I discovered that the Saxons were the best businessmen in history. Y'know why? They knew all the Angles. |
| Anyway, on the backside of the card, which is infinitely more fun to read than the front you'll find some abbreviations in the center that I might need to explain : The A.O.A. is Award of Arms which means that you may call me "Lord Gaelan" if you like. I disapprove of honorifics for druids, "Gaelan" is fine. C.M.C., Cross Of Meridies It's an Arts award for my pottery. C.K.P., Order of the Sovereign's Pleasure I did something, ( I don't know what it was), Their Majesties liked it, gave me a parchment that I had to get framed, That's how they get even. C.A.V.U., Ceiling and Visibility Unlimited It's a mundane aeronautical term but I think it applies to myself. C.C.D.O., Chief Contributor to the Delinquency Of....._______ Fill in the blank. All of my pottery, as a matter of fact, everything that I do is F.D.A Approved because I organized The Silver Oak Grove and the Friends of Druids Association Being the organizer, I can call myself whatever I like which is The Imperial Wizzard. That's with two "Z's" , to keep myself from being confused with the boys in the white sheets that run loose in my neck of the woods. There's not enough room on the card for it but I'm also a member of The N.A.A.C.P. That's the National Association for the Advancement of Celtic Peoples We have a subsidiary organization; The United Norman College Fund We believe that a mind is a terrible thing to waste --- on a Viking. The rest is self-explanatory _________________________________________________________________ Now YOU CAN BECOME: A Better person! A Happier person! A Wealthier person! BY BECOMING AN APPRENTICE DRUID! Can I have a witness? Would you like to become an apprentice druid? Raise your right hand. This is the intelligence test. I need to know if you know your left from your right. Assuming that you put up the correct one -- What's them tall green things growing out there? If you said "TREES!" you got that right, If not, you probably live above the Arctic Circle or in a big city and will be given absolution at no extra charge. Congratulations! You are now an apprentice druid. Go out and make people happy. Just remember : Always stay an apprentice. Never become a master. The minute you call yourself a " Master " people will watch you, catch you doing something wrong, tell everybody, embarrass you. As long as you stay an apprentice, Hey! You can make as many mistakes as you like. ____________________________________________ At this point I must issue a small caveat; We are not Orthodox druids. Orthodox druids worship trees. Nor are we Reform druids. They worship bushes which I think is kind of tacky. In my journey to the Land of the Rising Sun to study pottery, I discovered Zen-druids who worship trees that might be there. But in the Teutonic lands I found Freudian-Zen druids who worship trees that might not be all there. However there was a schism: There are the Calvinist-Freudian-Zen druids who worship trees that might not be all there and feel guilty about the part that isn't there. I don't like that. Then there are the Gardnerian-Freudian-Zen druids who worship trees that might not be all there, are happy about the part that is there, get naked and throw a party. My kind of folks! Then I found out that there is a splinter group who call themselves Jungian-Zen druids . They worship archetypical trees. But that's too kinky for me. I recently discovered the Reform-Hassidic-Freudian-Zen druids who "voiship boining" bushes that might not be all there. They are closely related to a group down in the Caribbean, you may have heard of them; The Rastafarian-Freudian-Zen druids. They worship burning grass that might not be all there. However, again a schism developed. Now there are; Democratic-Rastafarian-Freudian-Zen druids who worship burning grass that might not be all there ----- BUT THEY DON'T INHALE! Now, as an apprentice druid and member of The Silver Oak Grove, FDA, ( Friends of Druids Association ), You have the power to give FDA Approval to anything you like. The Prime Directive, ( as I have codified it ), is : Go out and make people happy. AND Take the starch out of any ritual robes that you may encounter. Whenever you hear the dreaded words; " According to tradition---" Your response shall be; "IS THAT THIS WEEKS' TRADITION OR LAST WEEKS' TRADITION?" We find people on power trips; make up songs, jokes, stories and poems about them. Get them to laughing and bring them back into the family. We are a fun loving, healing, caring bunch of lunatics. Let's keep it that way. Let the power politicians run with the competition religion. They deserve one another. ----------------------------------------------------- AND NOW A WORD FROM ONE OF OUR SPONSORS: |
| Mega Druid is no longer in print. HOWEVER ( Drum roll please ) MTV Medieval TimesVaudeville in cooperation with Oak and Mistletoe Presse & Tight Budget Productions is currently working on a new collection of songs, stories and associated nonsense. Watch for it ! |
| Be the first kid on your block to own this NEW DVD ! A DRUID LOOSE IN THE WOODS! SEE Your Friendly Neighborhood Druid giving his spiel. HEAR his attempt at singing! Packed with live performances. Filled with semi-classic bardic compositions. Augmented with legitimate entertainment from friends and potential cell mates. Littered with commercial breaks for his many pseudo-business ventures, and loaded with a collection of not-to-be-believed-without-a-pinch-of--salt NSIWT ---- ( No Shit, I Was There), tales of his travels and adventures. Our media subsidiaries; Oak and Mistletoe Presse and audio/video production company; Tight Budget Productions has scheduled the release date to coincide with the expiration of various statutes of limitations and release of classified files from sources best left unnamed out loud. Keep checking this web page for updates. A DRUID LOOSE IN THE WOODS! Is the perfect complement to: |
| The Apprentice Druids Handbook |
| Not only do you get the quintessential guide for merry making and good deed doing, you also receive: (1) a classy Membership/ID card, (2) a clever Bumper Sticker for your dragon, (3) an illuminated Certificate of Ordination, (4) an impressive, personally autographed, photograph of the Imperial Wizzard of the Silver Oak Grove FDA; Gaelan of Skye, your friendly neighborhood druid , suitable for framing, and (E --I never was good at indexing) , other tacky stuff yet to be approved by our over worked and under paid research and development department, Goddess willing and the creek don't rise. All will be included in this, ( soon to be As Seen On TV ); Director's Cut, Collectors Edition. |
| Coutinued on S.C.A. Page |
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